ちえろ

Changmin's Ransom

2009-11-25T07:37:11Z

Changmin walked into the apartment. He was starving after the first day of learning the new dance. All of the members had opted to go out and buy noodle bowls but Changmin knew that he had a specially prepared meal waiting for him hidden away in the back of the refrigerator. He had picked up the prepared Italian submarine sandwich from an obscure bakery the day before and had prolonged the enjoyment until this moment when his brothers were away from the house. Putting his murse on the couch he tiptoed to the kitchen, like he was stalking his pepperoni and salami prey.

“Ha!” Changmin pulled the door open and shoved the juices and side dishes out of the way. But to his dismay he only found a piece of paper neatly folded so that it would stand on its own.

It read: “Find me if you dare.”

Changmin’s eyes widened in shocked and then narrowed as he looked around the room. Someone had stolen his prize sandwich. He looked around the room, looking for more clues that anybody was home. It seemed vacant but eventually his eyes landed on a misplaced book sitting on the table next to the entrance to the hall. He approached the book as if it could have a bomb hidden in it. It lay open to page 33. Changmin’s brow furrowed. Jaejoong’s number. Changmin walked soundlessly through the carpeted hall and listened at Jaejoong’s door. There was a rustle inside. Changmin slung open the door and bound into the room. The only movement was the curtain covering the open window. He walked to the window, curious. On the ledge just below the window lay something wrapped in silver paper. Changmin grabbed what he thought was his sandwich but nearly dropped it to the street below when it squeaked under his firm grasp.

While he was still staring at the still package from which had emerged the aggravated squeal, a small cold hand reached around and grabbed Changmin’s throat. The attackers wrapped his leg around Changmin’s and they both fell to the ground. Before Changmin could react, the attacker was up and dragging Changmin down the hall to his own small room. He could feel the skin of his back and buttocks rubbing against the carpet and it burned. There was no window in the room so that when the other person kicked the door shut behind them, he was left guessing at his invader’s identity.

The attacker released him and Changmin backed against the opposite wall crouched on his bed. A small light from his iPod suddenly cast a glow on the speaker stand on the desk beside the door and a BEG single played. He could now see the small outline of the invader who seemed to be waiting in the middle of the room. Changmin swallowed and his hand clenched, forcing a small squeak out of the package he still held at his side. He reached a hand up and removed one corner from the package and he felt something furry brush his skin. He recognized the feel. He removed the silver paper and held the small bear against his face. He had thrown this bear out when he joined SM training. It had been a gift from his childhood sweetheart but he feared teasing if he kept it.
He looked up as the uninvited guest moved towards him. Changmin was no longer scared. He wanted to talk to the person to see how they had found Ms. Pernetty. But before he could open his mouth, there were small soft hands clutching at his shirt and Changmin found that his throat was once again closed with fear.
Then he heard a whimper and the attacker was seating their soft body in his lap. Changmin’s left hand reached up to brush the girls face.

“Sangmi” Changmin let go of the bear to hold the girl against him. Her hair brushed his face when she slowly raised her head. The girl stiffened when Changmin spoke and a hiss escaped the small body. Suddenly Changmin’s lap was empty and the body was across the room, flicking on the light switch. Changmin stood staring at his dongseng from SM. He had never debuted and Changmin had heard that he had gone to study literature at Daegu University.

“Who is Sangmi? Does she come to visit you often?”

Changmin stood frozen. MinHyun had once confessed his love to Changmin but at the time Changmin had had a crush on a Noona from another company. However MinHyun had changed. His body was soft but he was taller and the gauzy shirt he wore drew attention to the soft curve between his pecs. How could Changmin talk his way out of this? When in doubt, don’t speak. Changmin walked to MinHyun and wrapped his arms around the younger man’s head. At first the smaller boy tried to wiggle away but after only a few weak tugs, his arms ended up around Changmin’s waist and his back heaved with sobs. Changmin led the Min to sit on the bed and the two sat in silence for a long moment. Minhyun’s head lay on the muscular Changmin’s shoulder while Changmin hand was wrapped in the younger man’s hair.

MinHyun’s breathing turned slowed and he pulled his head off of Changmin’s shoulder and he threw himself sideways on the bed. Changmin lay on his stomach and crawled to where he could lay his head on the other’s stomach.

“What did you do with my sandwich, MinHyun?”

Wedding Dress

2009-11-18T07:30:57Z

Wedding Dress

How can I rationalize the words that I’m about to breathe? Please stand up and call me to your side! Tell all these people with smiling faces that they can all go home and take their white and silver wrapped packages with them. Or better yet, don’t say anything. Just stand and drag me out of this church. I looked around me at the people who had come to see me start a new life. This is what every girl waits for and dreams of: a kind and handsome man and a beautiful white dress. But I couldn't breath. I felt tortured. The light streaming from the painted glass stained my heart, a heart that should only have been filled with happiness. Dear God, in this place, I pray that you send that angel sitting at the piano to save me from committing this sin against my own heart and soul. I could think only of that angel and his voice as I walked towards a future that would surely be filled with dreamful sighs and tears in the night after I’m left unfulfilled. The man before was was a good man but when I closed my eyes it was another who came unbidden to my mind. Lord, can I be forgiven for making an oath in this place while imagining another man holding my hand and whispering words of forever as his lips brush mine?

The saints looked on me with condemning eyes because they saw the impure thoughts going through my mind even as I made a vow to forever love the man who stood beside me. He who I would give my very soul to replace with my angel. I felt the peck of a kiss through a fog of unshed tears. The disappointment of the moment padded my senses so that I did not feel the first steps I took as this man’s wife. From the threshold, I turned to glance through the falling white petals and tears and see my best friend, forgotten at the pearl baby grand in the corner. Does he believe the smile that I’ve painted on my face? Did I lose my chance at the future I dreamt about time and again as we sat so close in the summer air? There is a chill in the autumn air as I step out of the sanctuary, but it could not compare to the frozen crystal that has lodged itself in my chest.

The sound of cheering stopped abruptly as the limousine door closed and for the first time I looked at the man I had just given my life to. I smiled at my own predicament because as I looked at him I realized that I cannot hate him. He was looking back at me with love-glazed eyes. I blushed and lowered my head from the shame of my immorality. A tear slid down my face as my heart tried to stop my hand from extending towards the man on my right. I need to get used to the feel of this man. The sooner I can grow accustomed to him, the sooner I can stop the pain of disappointment when I realize that it is not YoungBae.

I had calmed my trembling muscles by the time I stepped into the cool air. The reception had begun already but everybody stopped as they saw me emerge from the car. “Yes, I’m so happy. Thank you for coming. Yes the music and weather are perfect today.” My smile stayed obediently in place as I thanked each family member for being present. I had almost lost myself going through the motions, but I looked up as I heard the voice that had been sweetly haunting me through all of my vows. I wanted to sob as I watched the companionship between my best friend and husband. I wondered at myself for wishing that YoungBae had acted selfishly and taken me away, therefore hurting the innocent who now stands between us. Neither knew my mind as they embraced like brothers.

I felt a pressure on me as YoungBae’s gaze met mine. He smiled and wished me well. My heart was bursting to escape my chest. I felt my commitment slip as he approached me and I stepped towards him. Both of his hands slid up to my elbows and I took a final step into his arms. I closed my eyes for an instant as I breathed deeply and held him tightly to me. I wanted to memorize the smell of his cologne and the tightness of his muscles under the crisp, white shirt. I pulled back first because I could feel eyes watching me. Our families always questioned our friendship. I stood back with my arms still on YoungBae’s shoulders. I was smiling but my eyes searched his face for any sign that he knew my heart. Can we run away even now?

He reached up and patted my hand and then took a step back “I’m going to Japan tomorrow so I can’t stay longer. I’m sorry, Noona. I’m sure you will be happy.” He lowered his eyes and breathed deeply.

“Noona?” I couldn’t force the smile. I was falling face first into the chasm that he had just created between us.

A long bow to my husband and he turned and walked away. Is he running from me? I hadn’t thought about how our relationship might change. He can’t know how I love him but I had still counted on seeing him every day. Today with a few uttered words I had lost the possibility of intimacy but I needed to know that I could still have him forever as my confidant. I couldn’t stand to lose him completely in one day. I picked up my skirts and stepped towards the door. I glanced back at my husband with an apologetic smile. He looked up from his conversation and smiled at me as if he knew and forgave my fleeting heart. His trust was another nail in my chest.

As I burst through the door, YoungBae was still standing in the foyer contemplating something. The sun that shone through the tall windows blurred my vision and it seemed like he truly was an angel that had been sent to grace me. He squared his shoulders, “What are you doing running away from the party? They all came to see you, you know?”

“I know.” I paused. “How long will you be in Japan?”

“I don’t know. I have a solo deal. We haven’t set a release date but even then there will be promotions.” His eyes wandered around the room, never landing on my face. Why is he doing this to me now? Are we strangers suddenly?

“Oh. Congratulations. I didn’t know you were pursuing a record deal in Japan.” I was unable to feign coolness. I was happy for his career but I had selfishly expected him to always be by my side. Now I could feel all those expectations deteriorating around me.

“Go back inside. People expect to see you with your husband now.” His words supported my fear that he was trying to pull away from me. The hurt suddenly turned to anger that he would abandon me. Then came desperation as I realized that he was able to leave me whenever he chose to. I was utterly vulnerable.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t be seen with you too.”

“Yes. That is what it means. You know how people talk. I’m not going to be the reason the ahjjumas whisper behind their hands when you walk by. Look at me. When people see me, they see something that is not pure. They think of sin and sweat. That sin can overshadow those who stand too close to me. That’s the image I have and now it can hurt you.”

“But I know it’s not true!”

“What’s not true?!” That I can take any noona I want? That they like it more because I’m not like their husbands? That I’ll fall in love for a day of shooting for the sake of my career?” He took a breath, his next sound almost a whisper. He leaned so close to my face that I could feel his shaking breath on my cheek. “Or that if I didn’t love you as much as I do, and respect your husband, that I would steal you away this very minute? Please, go be protected by him.”

With that, my best friend turned and left me standing alone in the hotel foyer. How did we separate so roughly when my heart had only love for him? I caught the tears before they landed on the white silk and stepped back into the reception room with a strained smile on my face. People would see me as an overly emotional bride. My husband paced towards me and squeezed my hand.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. I just wanted to thank YoungBae for his music. It was perfect.” My eyes were lowered as if in remembrance. “He has a record deal in Japan.” I was suddenly surprised by how easy it was to talk to my husband about YoungBae. We’d all been friends for so long.

“Oh! Then he needs to be congratulated too! Why didn’t he tell me?” My husband was caring in a cool way. He had nothing like the passion that I had just seen in YoungBae.

“I think he didn’t want attention. He’s too caring to try to intrude on our wedding day.” My mind was clouded with pain and confusion as I spoke.

“We don’t leave until tomorrow for our honeymoon. What do you say to all of us celebrating tonight?” My husband’s suggestion shocked me and it took a while for me to realize that I needed to exhale.

“That sounds nice.” My voice wavered. “Soon we won’t be able to see each other so easily.”

Release

2008-12-20T07:15:49Z

Yunho stalked offstage. He couldn’t place why the setting irritated him so but he still feared that he might speak or act inappropriately towards one of the members or the crew. The idea of him doing something to bring a look of confused pain to any of their faces caused a knot to form in his chest. Whatever was happening was solely inside him and he had to get it under control. He knew it was unfair that he blamed each member when they smiled or joked with the others. He also knew that they too were exhausted because of the schedules.

He first headed for the changing room only to decide that he wasn’t ready to face the members until he could present them with a person who could give them strength. He could not do anything to risk losing their faith in him as a leader.

As he wandered aimlessly around the stadium he found a set of stairs winding up. No movement or sound seemed to come from above but as he stood watching the darkness he made out the sound of breathing as it became more audible. Thinking that perhaps one of his brothers was crying he took the few steps quickly and came upon a sight that, despite the proximity of the members for the past four years, he was entirely unprepared for.

There was only just enough light to catch the contours of the youngest member’s chest and hips as his head pressed backwards against the wall behind him. As Yunho’s eyes became more accustomed to the dim lighting he noticed that Changmin’s hand had stopped moving, yet still remained locked around his own shaft. Yunho’s gaze made a trail up Changmin’s body, and the younger man raised his chin and his eyes narrowed slightly, waiting for Yunho to say something, or at the very least, waiting for him to blink and close his mouth. When Yunho finally brought his jaws back together, he looked away in an attempt to compose himself, and then took one more long glance at Changmin.

The man lowered his chin again and fixed his eyes on Yunho’s. Yunho felt a fire race through his blood as the younger man’s gaze lowered down Yunho’s body, lingering for a moment on the growing bulge that was straining the soft fabric of his workout pants. Changmin’s right hand slid from his member across the top of his thigh and rested at his side while his knee gracefully moved to angle outward, giving Yunho’s now clear vision a perfect view of Changmin’s swollen cock. Yunho helplessly took a step forward and stopped within an arm’s reach of the other man. Changmin’s hips pulled slightly away from the wall towards Yunho as a husky “Hyung” escaped his lips.

As if he had only been waiting for a sign that the youngest member would accept his touch, Yunho’s right hand shot through the air to land to the left of Changmin’s head against the wall and his mouth stopped and hovered just above Changmin’s lips. At the same time, his other hand slid up Changmin’s hard abs to his chest leaving his thumb resting on Changmin’s dark nipple. This advance caused the younger man to pause for a moment. He didn’t breathe. He didn’t blink while he recovered from the abruptness of this not un-welcome assault on his personal space. But then his eyelids lowered as the arousal clouded his brain and he swung his lips forward to meet his leader’s. For a small moment in time neither of them thought of their social position, their career, their future, or the concert that they had been preparing all day for. Peace.

But then an urgency entered as Yunho’s hand was at Changmin’s lower back pulling him forward into Yunho as his lips parted and he nibbled at Changmin’s lower lip. Changmin could feel Yunho’s erection pressing against his hip and Changmin extended a shaking hand to the curve of Yunho’s rib cage and lowered it around Yunho’s back and butt, hooking his thumb on the waistband of the silky workout pants, and pulling down so that his fingers brushed the soft skin.

Yunho’s breath caught in his throat at the younger member’s reaction to his advance. What was he doing?! Had Changmin really just invited him? It didn’t matter. The second guessing ended as he traced Changmin’s jaw line with kisses and Changmin’s hand found its way to the sensitive area just inside Yunho’s hipbone. He then felt the Younger’s hands slowly slip the elastic waistband down to where it clung just under his extended shaft. Changmin tenderly brushed his fingers along the length of Yunho and threw his head backward to give Yunho better access to his neck and collar bone. Yunho took the opportunity to begin nibbling at the skin stretch tightly over the bone. Changmin grabbed Yunho at the base and began to carefully work the skin that moved around the iron-hard muscle. A moan escaped from Yunho’s throat and he slumped as if his knees were weak. Changmin continued working on Yunho’s member, meanwhile, his left hand crossed over the other’s chest to grasp his left shoulder for a moment before a swift swing of his arm thrust Yunho beside him against the wall and he then followed around to launch his own attack of bites and kisses against Yunho’s glistening bare chest.

Yunho’s eyes shot open as he felt the cold brick against his shoulders and back. This sensation only awakened him even further to the electrifying pulsing that was Changmin’s strokes against his cock and his tongue against the leader’s pectorals. The sensation was rocking Yunho’s body with each press of Changmin’s lips against his chest, and lower to his abs. Changmin ceased his strokes and raised his hand to Yunho’s torso. Those hands remained squeezed around Yunho’s waist as he lowered himself to plant kisses just below Yunho’s belly button. Yunho pushed his upper back harder against the wall, causing his hips to press closer to the younger man’s face. While his hands wove through Changmin’s hair, then brushing and grasping at his arms that were still trembling at the older man’s waist. And he breathed a few tremulous breaths right above the base of the leader’s penis.

Yunho’s hand wrapped around Changmin’s wrist and he pulled the younger man to a standing position. Letting go of his wrists he wrapped his arms around the slight torso and clung with both hands at Changmin’s buttocks, causing Changmin to plant his hands against the wall behind Yunho’s head to maintain his balance.

The leader lowered himself down the youngest’s body, with his hand still firmly placed on Changmin’s perfect ass. Pausing just for a second, he glanced up through his eyelashes at Changmin’s wide-eyed expression. Then, closing his eyes and breathing in the musky scent of their sex, he slipped his perfect smooth mouth around the other man’s swollen member, while the owner of said member clenched his eyes together and dropped his head to his chest in a sudden moment of child-like embarrassment. One of his hands fell to grab at Yunho’s hair and a high pitched sound of shock and ecstasy flew from his mouth. Like with everything, Yunho became completely engrossed in his task, his eyes staying closed in concentration as he slid his mouth over and over the younger man, using his tongue to apply a slight pressure. He took his own cock in his hand and began stroking himself with the same rhythm. The inside of Yunho’s mouth was so hot and smooth. So many sensations and emotions ran through Changmin that he was overwhelmed and two large tears ran down his face. However with a groan from Yunho as he began to get closer to his own climax, Changmin raised his head and began thrusting into Yunho’s throat with a feverish pace. He could hear Yunho beating faster at his own erection. Their breathing and heartbeats became frantic as they both scrambled toward their destination.

Yunho was the first to release his sex in a stream that reached far behind Changmin, and as Changmin’s knees began to tremble, Yunho replaced his mouth with his hand that was slick with his own substance and he proceeded to stroke until he heard the boy choke back what could have been an epic scream and a hard stream Yunho’s left shoulder. Changmin slowly collapsed in a heap around Yunho, his hands catching on Yunho’s shoulder’s and their bodies slick with sweat slid together before they both came to rest kneeling against each other, breathing heavily, their arms around each other and their heads resting on each other’s shoulders. As their breathing became more steady, they separated and an unknown amount of time passed.

They heard voices just on the other side of the wall calling out their names, searching for them. They simultaneously rose and put their clothes in order trying to keep their eyes away from each other. Both were unsure about what the other was thinking and afraid that they had just allowed something to happen that would make it difficult for them to work together. Changmin was the first to break the silence.
"Hyung, I'm hungry."

Waiting for the Rising Sun

2008-11-25T03:30:37Z

I know the title's a little corny... but it was perfect.
Its my first fanfiction. I hope you enjoy it.
written 24 November, 2008

YOOSU with a small implied HOSU.

Junsu was tired. As if there were weights pulling down on his shoulders…and his heart. He wouldn’t admit that he was unhappy with the work lately, knowing that the others depended on his smile and laugh to bear with the same fatigue that he was fighting off. Truthfully, it did bring him a bit of happiness to know that he eased the pain of his brothers. But the facade was wearing thin. The leader was sympathetic, giving him smiles and reassuring squeezes when he didn’t know what else to do for his younger childhood friend. Only Yoochun expressed his feelings openly, much to his own lament. For later, the colder ones would attack his masculinity with comments and jokes that were really only meant to lighten the mood, but still left a seed of shame implanted in Yoochun’s mind. This sensitivity was exactly why Junsu had made a date with him. He would not believe that Yoochun could hurt him if he showed his weakness to the man. Surely Yoochun would understand.

Occasionally in the past, when Yoochun had been horribly wired while the rest of the hemisphere was asleep he would convince the brothers to go to the river. He enjoyed the brilliance of the light on the waves and he could contemplate the position of all things in a wider sense. Junsu wasn’t entirely sure what these ideas meant, but still enjoyed the calm peace that entered Yoochun’s eyes as he gazed at the natural beauty before him. And when the placid pools of Yoochun’s eyes turned towards him it passed on the infection of peace and Junsu was content to lean against the rail, his serene gaze on Yoochun as the tenor’s gaze took in the rest of the world. It was like understanding by association. Yoochun was Junsu’s connection the world of emotions that Junsu couldn’t find otherwise.

Yoochun would meet Junsu at the river tonight. Junsu needed to find that again.

Junsu could see the tenor’s slumped shoulders before he even got out of his car. Yoochun’s arms rested on his knees with his hands threading through his locks of brown curled hair. A motion that could be sexy except that Junsu knew that Yoochun held his head in an attempt to control his anguish. This would not only be for Junsu. Yoochun stirred as he heard the footsteps of the approaching member. Though he was expecting Junsu, he raised his head to make certain that it wasn’t a fan approaching him. He loved that the fans loved him but didn’t appreciate the assumption that he wanted to hear about their undying love. His eyes rested on the face of Junsu and he knew why he had come. That look of pain wasn’t acceptable on the younger man’s face.

“Su. I’m glad you called me. I’ve been missing you.”

“We had a press meeting together five hours ago.” A wondering look came into Junsu’s eyes as his mouth turned up at one corner.

Yoochun only laughed in response. A dry sound that only seemed to exist in his throat and in Junsu’s mind as Yoochun’s face remained locked in a pensive half-smile.

Junsu closed the distance between them and sat beside the baritone so that their shoulders brushed each other and they leaned against each other to ease the weight of their own solitude. For the longest time neither of them spoke. The only sound was of their breathing as Micky searched for something he couldn’t define. Meanwhile Junsu took comfort in the feeling as their shoulder’s brushed together each time their chest and shoulders rose and fell with each breath.

Then Junsu began wondering what it was Yoochun was searching for across that distance. As he looked at the other man’s face he recognized one of the burdens in his heart. He felt something in response to a responsibility he felt towards Yoochun. It was a revelation he was both unprepared for and had waited years to understand. Junsu wanted to be everything that Yoochun was searching for. That one void that he was feeling was a feeling of inadequacy. As he looked at Yoochun’s still face now, he wanted only to be the reason that Yoochun would never feel lost again.

Coincidently at that moment, a tear rolled down Yoochun’s cheek, begging to be brushed away by Junsu’s trembling fingertips. At the shaking touch, Yoochun looked to his right to find Junsu’s staring at him with tears streaming down his face.

“What is it, Xiah?” Whatever it was, Yoochun would do anything to ease the pain of the other man. He had never seen such an agonized expression on Junsu before. The sight before him sent slivers of ice dancing over his skin.

“Be happy… Be happy with me.”

Yoochun’s brow creased with curiosity. What series of thoughts had lead Junsu to this strange demand? Yoochun wonderment was paused as Junsu’s left hand slowly reached towards Yoochun’s face and traced down the contours of his face and neck to rest against his chest. Only after feeling the violent trembling of Junsu’s hand through the silk of his shirt, did Yoochun realize how violently his own heart was beating. As if it was trying to break out of his chest in an attempt to be closer to the man who was touching him now. The rest of his body followed where his heart was dying to go. And as the centimeters closed between them, neither thought of the implications of what they were doing. Both sets of pink lips brushing the skin of the other member’s hair, jaw, and neck were an endeavor to comfort both of their pains.

They had come to rest in the grass that looked blue in the glow of the night. Junsu threw back his head as he leaned over Yoochun. And Yoochun’s hand grasped at Junsu’s back in an effort to pull the man closer so that he could kiss all the way from the top of Junsu’s perfect abs to his collar bone that was covered in chill bumps in reaction to the tenor’s assault on his flawless skin. As his teeth closed on the raised bone, Junsu bit his own lips to stop the noisy gasp that still managed to reach Yoochun’s ears.

As if the sound broke the last wall of control Yoochun had, he wrapped his arms around Junsu and propelled himself over sideways so that he could trap the younger man beneath him in the grass. At the same time, running his hands through Junsu’s hair to protect his head from hitting the ground as their mouths ground into each other.

From nowhere, the tears started falling onto their entwined bodies from Junsu’s eyes… Yoochun ceased his assault on Junsu’s mouth and held his head to his chest. Letting the salty tears soak the silk shirt. Yoochun whispered against Junsu’s hair and brushed his hair away from his face, as Junsu held onto the older man’s shoulders as his own body rocked with the sobs that were torn from his body.

Yoochun had expected this. The perpetually cheerful Junsu had been pushing himself too long. The expressions that Junsu himself were unaware of caused a pang of unease through Yoochun’s chest but then Junsu would shake his head and force a mindless joke from his lips. Everything that Junsu was denying was pent up inside him: his tears, his doubts, and his need for human contact.

Junsu’s sobs and tears subsided but he still leaned into Yoochun. Only after he felt himself drifting towards sleep, did Yoochun realize that the rise and fall of Junsu’s chest had reached the rhythm of those only in a sleep of exhaustion. Trying not to stir the sleeping man, he placed one hand behind Junsu’s head and slowly tried to lower him to the soft grass. He pulled away to watch Junsu’s beautiful face only to find Junsu’s large wet eyes meeting his own.

“I thought you were sleeping. Should I drive you home to get you into your own bed?”

“Only if you stay with me. The soft light goes away when you aren’t with me. I need you Yoochun. I can smile if you are with me.”

“You don’t have to smile for me.”

Upon the words, Junsu’s worn red lips turned up the corners and the darkness in his heart ebbed away as the light from the rising sun warmed his heart.