![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
“Ha!” Changmin pulled the door open and shoved the juices and side dishes out of the way. But to his dismay he only found a piece of paper neatly folded so that it would stand on its own.
It read: “Find me if you dare.”
Changmin’s eyes widened in shocked and then narrowed as he looked around the room. Someone had stolen his prize sandwich. He looked around the room, looking for more clues that anybody was home. It seemed vacant but eventually his eyes landed on a misplaced book sitting on the table next to the entrance to the hall. He approached the book as if it could have a bomb hidden in it. It lay open to page 33. Changmin’s brow furrowed. Jaejoong’s number. Changmin walked soundlessly through the carpeted hall and listened at Jaejoong’s door. There was a rustle inside. Changmin slung open the door and bound into the room. The only movement was the curtain covering the open window. He walked to the window, curious. On the ledge just below the window lay something wrapped in silver paper. Changmin grabbed what he thought was his sandwich but nearly dropped it to the street below when it squeaked under his firm grasp.
While he was still staring at the still package from which had emerged the aggravated squeal, a small cold hand reached around and grabbed Changmin’s throat. The attackers wrapped his leg around Changmin’s and they both fell to the ground. Before Changmin could react, the attacker was up and dragging Changmin down the hall to his own small room. He could feel the skin of his back and buttocks rubbing against the carpet and it burned. There was no window in the room so that when the other person kicked the door shut behind them, he was left guessing at his invader’s identity.
The attacker released him and Changmin backed against the opposite wall crouched on his bed. A small light from his iPod suddenly cast a glow on the speaker stand on the desk beside the door and a BEG single played. He could now see the small outline of the invader who seemed to be waiting in the middle of the room. Changmin swallowed and his hand clenched, forcing a small squeak out of the package he still held at his side. He reached a hand up and removed one corner from the package and he felt something furry brush his skin. He recognized the feel. He removed the silver paper and held the small bear against his face. He had thrown this bear out when he joined SM training. It had been a gift from his childhood sweetheart but he feared teasing if he kept it.
He looked up as the uninvited guest moved towards him. Changmin was no longer scared. He wanted to talk to the person to see how they had found Ms. Pernetty. But before he could open his mouth, there were small soft hands clutching at his shirt and Changmin found that his throat was once again closed with fear.
Then he heard a whimper and the attacker was seating their soft body in his lap. Changmin’s left hand reached up to brush the girls face.
“Sangmi” Changmin let go of the bear to hold the girl against him. Her hair brushed his face when she slowly raised her head. The girl stiffened when Changmin spoke and a hiss escaped the small body. Suddenly Changmin’s lap was empty and the body was across the room, flicking on the light switch. Changmin stood staring at his dongseng from SM. He had never debuted and Changmin had heard that he had gone to study literature at Daegu University.
“Who is Sangmi? Does she come to visit you often?”
Changmin stood frozen. MinHyun had once confessed his love to Changmin but at the time Changmin had had a crush on a Noona from another company. However MinHyun had changed. His body was soft but he was taller and the gauzy shirt he wore drew attention to the soft curve between his pecs. How could Changmin talk his way out of this? When in doubt, don’t speak. Changmin walked to MinHyun and wrapped his arms around the younger man’s head. At first the smaller boy tried to wiggle away but after only a few weak tugs, his arms ended up around Changmin’s waist and his back heaved with sobs. Changmin led the Min to sit on the bed and the two sat in silence for a long moment. Minhyun’s head lay on the muscular Changmin’s shoulder while Changmin hand was wrapped in the younger man’s hair.
MinHyun’s breathing turned slowed and he pulled his head off of Changmin’s shoulder and he threw himself sideways on the bed. Changmin lay on his stomach and crawled to where he could lay his head on the other’s stomach.
“What did you do with my sandwich, MinHyun?”
- Mood:
bouncy
Wedding Dress
How can I rationalize the words that I’m about to breathe? Please stand up and call me to your side! Tell all these people with smiling faces that they can all go home and take their white and silver wrapped packages with them. Or better yet, don’t say anything. Just stand and drag me out of this church. I looked around me at the people who had come to see me start a new life. This is what every girl waits for and dreams of: a kind and handsome man and a beautiful white dress. But I couldn't breath. I felt tortured. The light streaming from the painted glass stained my heart, a heart that should only have been filled with happiness. Dear God, in this place, I pray that you send that angel sitting at the piano to save me from committing this sin against my own heart and soul. I could think only of that angel and his voice as I walked towards a future that would surely be filled with dreamful sighs and tears in the night after I’m left unfulfilled. The man before was was a good man but when I closed my eyes it was another who came unbidden to my mind. Lord, can I be forgiven for making an oath in this place while imagining another man holding my hand and whispering words of forever as his lips brush mine?
The saints looked on me with condemning eyes because they saw the impure thoughts going through my mind even as I made a vow to forever love the man who stood beside me. He who I would give my very soul to replace with my angel. I felt the peck of a kiss through a fog of unshed tears. The disappointment of the moment padded my senses so that I did not feel the first steps I took as this man’s wife. From the threshold, I turned to glance through the falling white petals and tears and see my best friend, forgotten at the pearl baby grand in the corner. Does he believe the smile that I’ve painted on my face? Did I lose my chance at the future I dreamt about time and again as we sat so close in the summer air? There is a chill in the autumn air as I step out of the sanctuary, but it could not compare to the frozen crystal that has lodged itself in my chest.
The sound of cheering stopped abruptly as the limousine door closed and for the first time I looked at the man I had just given my life to. I smiled at my own predicament because as I looked at him I realized that I cannot hate him. He was looking back at me with love-glazed eyes. I blushed and lowered my head from the shame of my immorality. A tear slid down my face as my heart tried to stop my hand from extending towards the man on my right. I need to get used to the feel of this man. The sooner I can grow accustomed to him, the sooner I can stop the pain of disappointment when I realize that it is not YoungBae.
I had calmed my trembling muscles by the time I stepped into the cool air. The reception had begun already but everybody stopped as they saw me emerge from the car. “Yes, I’m so happy. Thank you for coming. Yes the music and weather are perfect today.” My smile stayed obediently in place as I thanked each family member for being present. I had almost lost myself going through the motions, but I looked up as I heard the voice that had been sweetly haunting me through all of my vows. I wanted to sob as I watched the companionship between my best friend and husband. I wondered at myself for wishing that YoungBae had acted selfishly and taken me away, therefore hurting the innocent who now stands between us. Neither knew my mind as they embraced like brothers.
I felt a pressure on me as YoungBae’s gaze met mine. He smiled and wished me well. My heart was bursting to escape my chest. I felt my commitment slip as he approached me and I stepped towards him. Both of his hands slid up to my elbows and I took a final step into his arms. I closed my eyes for an instant as I breathed deeply and held him tightly to me. I wanted to memorize the smell of his cologne and the tightness of his muscles under the crisp, white shirt. I pulled back first because I could feel eyes watching me. Our families always questioned our friendship. I stood back with my arms still on YoungBae’s shoulders. I was smiling but my eyes searched his face for any sign that he knew my heart. Can we run away even now?
He reached up and patted my hand and then took a step back “I’m going to Japan tomorrow so I can’t stay longer. I’m sorry, Noona. I’m sure you will be happy.” He lowered his eyes and breathed deeply.
“Noona?” I couldn’t force the smile. I was falling face first into the chasm that he had just created between us.
A long bow to my husband and he turned and walked away. Is he running from me? I hadn’t thought about how our relationship might change. He can’t know how I love him but I had still counted on seeing him every day. Today with a few uttered words I had lost the possibility of intimacy but I needed to know that I could still have him forever as my confidant. I couldn’t stand to lose him completely in one day. I picked up my skirts and stepped towards the door. I glanced back at my husband with an apologetic smile. He looked up from his conversation and smiled at me as if he knew and forgave my fleeting heart. His trust was another nail in my chest.
As I burst through the door, YoungBae was still standing in the foyer contemplating something. The sun that shone through the tall windows blurred my vision and it seemed like he truly was an angel that had been sent to grace me. He squared his shoulders, “What are you doing running away from the party? They all came to see you, you know?”
“I know.” I paused. “How long will you be in Japan?”
“I don’t know. I have a solo deal. We haven’t set a release date but even then there will be promotions.” His eyes wandered around the room, never landing on my face. Why is he doing this to me now? Are we strangers suddenly?
“Oh. Congratulations. I didn’t know you were pursuing a record deal in Japan.” I was unable to feign coolness. I was happy for his career but I had selfishly expected him to always be by my side. Now I could feel all those expectations deteriorating around me.
“Go back inside. People expect to see you with your husband now.” His words supported my fear that he was trying to pull away from me. The hurt suddenly turned to anger that he would abandon me. Then came desperation as I realized that he was able to leave me whenever he chose to. I was utterly vulnerable.
“That doesn’t mean I can’t be seen with you too.”
“Yes. That is what it means. You know how people talk. I’m not going to be the reason the ahjjumas whisper behind their hands when you walk by. Look at me. When people see me, they see something that is not pure. They think of sin and sweat. That sin can overshadow those who stand too close to me. That’s the image I have and now it can hurt you.”
“But I know it’s not true!”
“What’s not true?!” That I can take any noona I want? That they like it more because I’m not like their husbands? That I’ll fall in love for a day of shooting for the sake of my career?” He took a breath, his next sound almost a whisper. He leaned so close to my face that I could feel his shaking breath on my cheek. “Or that if I didn’t love you as much as I do, and respect your husband, that I would steal you away this very minute? Please, go be protected by him.”
With that, my best friend turned and left me standing alone in the hotel foyer. How did we separate so roughly when my heart had only love for him? I caught the tears before they landed on the white silk and stepped back into the reception room with a strained smile on my face. People would see me as an overly emotional bride. My husband paced towards me and squeezed my hand.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. I just wanted to thank YoungBae for his music. It was perfect.” My eyes were lowered as if in remembrance. “He has a record deal in Japan.” I was suddenly surprised by how easy it was to talk to my husband about YoungBae. We’d all been friends for so long.
“Oh! Then he needs to be congratulated too! Why didn’t he tell me?” My husband was caring in a cool way. He had nothing like the passion that I had just seen in YoungBae.
“I think he didn’t want attention. He’s too caring to try to intrude on our wedding day.” My mind was clouded with pain and confusion as I spoke.
“We don’t leave until tomorrow for our honeymoon. What do you say to all of us celebrating tonight?” My husband’s suggestion shocked me and it took a while for me to realize that I needed to exhale.
“That sounds nice.” My voice wavered. “Soon we won’t be able to see each other so easily.”
- Mood:
sore - Music:Wedding Dress
- Mood:
embarrassed
- Location:Library
- Mood:accomplished
- Music:明日は来るから－東方神起
